Sheets Like Oceans
by shocktoyoursystem
Summary: Sara comes to the realization that her feelings for Tegan are deeper than they should be. Tegan's long time hidden desires are brought back into play causing friction into what she thought was a good, solid relationship. Quincest.
1. Chapter 1: I Get So Jealous

A/N: This is my first fic ever and I'm just trying this out but let me know what you think and if you want me to continue. Corrective criticism and ideas are always welcome! Also, warning you right now that LB/Tegan sex is briefly touched upon because come on now, let's leave those sexy smutty feels for T&S!

**Chapter 1: I Get So Jealous**

**Sara's POV**

I can't even remember when this happened to me. When I fully allowed my brain to succumb to my immoral and unethical longing for the ocean to take hold of me and drown me out at sea. It's something that's racking my brain as I sit across from the ocean itself and her overly affectionate lover playing with Tegan's fingers as the two engage in conversation like I'm not even here. My hazel orbs fixated on the square blocks of ice floating in my drink, much like my desire floating atop all others in my brain. How did she get here? Better yet, why and how did I allow her to? I've always been the sensible and responsible one out of the two of us yet here I am pining over the one person most unsustainable for myself. The one person I can never actually have or openly be with. It's sick and is making my stomach churn... or maybe that was the two shots I had already downed in hopes of surrendering all thoughts to the alcohol now heavily surging through my veins. Either way I was feeling less than exuberant to be in this swanky downtown bar acting as a third wheel.

I watch reluctantly as Lindsey's lips grew nearer to my sister's, the music playing overhead making it impossible to hear what she was whispering and the smoke coming from those playing pool just a few feet away clouding my line of vision to make lip-reading possible but the content of her sweet nothings were no secret based off of the smirk inhabiting Tegan's lips. I have to redirect my gaze elsewhere to keep myself from rolling my eyes but no matter where I turn the two of them remain in my peripheral vision only causing insult to injury.

"Hey Sar, Linds and I are gonna catch a cab back to the hotel. Do you wanna-"

I cut her off before she can even offer to bring me back with them. I know it's out of pity and even more so I know that in the back of both of their minds they're hoping for me to say no. Giving them what they want I put on a happy face and force a smile as I wave them off. "No, you two crazy kids have fun. I'm just gonna finish my drink and then maybe try to get some writing done back in our hotel room." I use the word _our_ as a weapon to remind Tegan that the two of us are sharing a room and I expect her back there later and also to remind the two not to use that room for their little sexcapade. I wrap my hand around the glass now covered in condensation not that it's much of a bother against my now clammy hands and take a long sip concentrating on nothing but the feeling of the alcohol working it's way past my lips, on to my tongue, and then burning on through my esophagus.

"You're sure?" I hear my almost identical counterpart ask; her hand affectionately falling on my forearm, a gentle squeeze following the gesture. The skin on skin contact is more than I can take, nearly pushing me off the edge and despite my instant and, unfortunate for me, noticeable goosebumps I somehow have to find a way to compose myself and muster up a response- one that sounds like I approve of the woman I'm desperately and sickeningly in love with going off with another woman. Lacking effort to fake the same smile I had before, nothing but my eyes shot up to meet Tegan's gaze. "Just go." I say flatly- urging her to get out of here before she can hurt me even more.

As if knowing to take that as a threat her hand is recoiled from my arm and finds a spot on LB's lower back as she escorts her out of the tiny booth and to their feet. "Catch ya later, Sara." I hear Lindsey offer as a goodbye and I nod. "Yeah, later." It's not as friendly as usual but with a soft tone it's inconspicuous enough for them not to ask questions. Watching the what I believe to be happy couple walk through the doors I take to my drink as a parched animal in a desert would take to finding a pool of water, desperate for it to course through my veins and rid me of my ridiculous jealousy. _She's not yours, Sara. She never will be. She can't be, now stop being so fucking sick, perverted, and ridiculous. You have Stacey, think of her._

**Tegan's POV**

I have no idea what's gotten into Lindsey. Sure she has always been desperate for me, almost as desperate as I've always been for her but pushing me into the cab and crawling in to have her way with me despite the fact that we could severely either turn on or traumatize our driver seemed a bit out of character for her. We were good at keeping PDA minimal but not tonight. Perhaps it were the shots of Patron she had taken with Sara earlier on in the night. It wasn't her drink of choice and I wasn't so sure I had ever seen her in a tequila inebriated state and I wasn't sure whether to thank or curse Sara for this; either way I had quite the little vixen on my hands tonight.

Lindsey went to work on my neck as I near breathlessly told the driver where we were headed. I'm sure in his mind it seemed appropriate for us to be headed to a hotel considering we can't take our hands off of each other. She has taken to whispering in my ear what she wants to do to me once we get back to the hotel room and I can feel my boxer briefs grow wetter by the second. The tequila is definitely something to thank Sara for. I haven't seen LB this worked up since the beginning of our relationship when discovering each other's bodies was still new and exciting. Since we were now all too familiar with one another, I can't lie, or relationship has been lacking passion and excitement. If only I had known a different kind of booze were to spice things up I would have resorted to it a long time ago.

Nimble fingers undo the button of my dark wash skinny jeans and push their way inside, her fingers too eager to even tease as she applies instant pressure to my clit at the spot she knows, all too well, drives me completely insane. "Fuck, Lindsey." My teeth sink into the crook of her neck to keep my mouth busy and my faint moans, that I try to hold back, muffled.

Watching the hotel roll into view I sigh in both relief and disappointment. I was growing close to cumming but knowing I wouldn't be able to keep that quiet was where the relief had settled in. Pulling her hand out of my pants I teasingly sucked her fingers clean knowing just just how to get her going to make sure this continued once we got upstairs. Dodging knowing glances from the driver as he opened the door and allowed us out we quickly made our way up to the hotel room where Lindsey was quick to finish what she started. Saying it was the best sex we had in a long time would be an understatement. I'd say it now held the title for the best sex I had ever had, period. That should have had my mind swirling in a dreamy haze of my lover that was nestled in close to me, right? So then why did it have me lost in guilty unacceptable feelings of wishing that it could have been Sara, instead? I thought I had buried those feelings long ago. I thought I was allowing myself to be completely happy with Lindsey because after Sara she was the next best thing that I could ever have. But that look Sara gave me back at the bar, earlier... I could sense the pain in her eyes but what was it for? It's not like it could be possible that she could actually want me, too. Not with the way she was always so quick at separating us and insisting we're different people and need to be individuals. If she wanted me as badly as I wanted her she'd be just as quick to cling, wouldn't she?

Forcing my twin out of my mind I kiss my sleeping girlfriend's head and hold on to her a little tighter, joining her in an alcohol induced slumber forgetting Sara's indirect request that I join her back in the room tonight and more so the pact that we had made years ago never to make each other stay in a hotel room alone for a night.

**Sara's POV**

The empty bed in_ our_ hotel room has made it impossible for me to focus on anything else. Not even writing a song over my jealousy has proved effective to get me out of this sour mood that I'm in. 3:40 A.M. tells me that Tegan has no intentions on honoring the rule that we had made for each other years ago and I can't help but feel betrayed and less important to her. It's not something that I'm used to and something I'm not sure I'll be so quick to forgive. Defeated, I throw my pen and notebook to the side and get into the bed that's comfort would have been much more appreciated if I had someone to appreciate it with. Instead I'm left with nothing to do but sigh and stare at the empty bed next to me wishing my sister's voice bidding me goodnight could be the last thing I could hear. Not my own thoughts cursing up a storm at her blatant disregard for me and my feelings. Sleep won't come easy, that I'm sure of.. and that's if it even comes at all.


	2. Chapter 2: Wake Up Exhausted

**A/N:** Sorry this has taken me SOOOOO long! I just haven't had any inspiration and have been incredibly lazy with writing. Hopefully that won't happen again and I'll be able to get the next chapter out to you a lot faster and hopefully that one will contain much more exciting material. This progressively gets worse, I'm sorry! I should have waited for my muse to come back instead of forcing myself through it so I could give you something of decent quality but I think I just really wanted to get this chapter over with so I move on to bigger and better things!

**Chapter 2: Wake Up Exhausted**

**Tegan's POV**

Morning came all too soon and I find myself struggling to open my eyes that are being threatened by the bright sunlight shining it's way through the over-sized hotel window. I instantly curse both Lindsey and myself for not thinking of closing it last night before falling asleep. I enjoy the blissful morning routine of pulling my lover close, the smell of stale alcohol still lingering on her breath as I kiss her good morning, though, she has yet to wake. Looking over to the red hue of the digital alarm clock sitting on the bedside table behind Lindsey my eyes widen as I realize what time it is. Not only is check out soon but I had left Sara on her own last night breaking the moral code we had set for each other years ago. "Shit, shit, shit!" I curse myself in whispers as I pull myself out of bed and hurry to find my clothes that had been scattered all around the room in last night's excitement. Just the thought of it makes a smirk tug at the corner of my lips and slow down my pace as I pull on my jeans. _No time for that, Tegan! You fucking idiot, go to Sara!_

There's no doubt that I'll be doing the walk of shame this morning making my way back down to the hotel room I was to share with my twin but that's the last thing I'm worried about being almost certain that I'll have her wrath to endure. Sure waking up with Lindsey was lovely and something we probably needed for the sanctity of our relationship but none of that would ever be worth losing Sara over. She was the one person in this world I'd do absolutely anything for and I hope to God she knew that despite how much of a fuck up I could be. She had me praying to a God that I don't believe in that she knew this wasn't intentional and I never meant to hurt her.

Deciding to just deal with LB later, I didn't even bother to leave a note before leaving her room. Given the time and knowing the rule Sara and I had for the many times I had left her before, she'd know where I've gone, of that I was certain. As for what I was going to be walking into once seeing Sara, though, that was a complete mystery to me. You'd think I'd know her by now but Sara's reactions to things were oddly unpredictable and I was almost always on edge because of it, especially after pulling a stunt like this. Funny how even after we've grown into adulthood and moved out of our mother and step father's house there was still always someone to answer to. Sara is my warden of sorts but she keeps me in check so I can't exactly say that I mind too much. As long as I have her around. Twins forever. I refuse to ever let that change.

**Sara's POV**

I got a total of three hours of sleep last night. Maybe in my younger days it would have been sufficient but today it's got me feeling more exhausted and defeated than ever. Reluctantly pulling myself out of the most comfortable bed I had slept in in months a groan escapes my lips coming to the realization that not only am I exhausted but slightly hungover, as well. That's another thing I can't do like I could in my younger days- hold my alcohol. Padding sluggishly over to my suitcase on the other side of the room laying neatly atop one of the dressers I pull out my organized bag of medicine pushing past an inhaler and antacids going straight for the ibuprofen. Pouring two into my hand I then reach into the mini fridge and pull out a bottle of water downing the pills and continuing to chug trying to re-hydrate myself. I place the bottle down on the counter and snake my tongue over dry cracked lips before searching my suitcase for something to wear. Rummaging through it I come across Tegan's Drop Dead lion shirt and sigh, cursing my sister under my breath for something she has absolutely no control over yet I feel like it has absolutely everything to do with her, the pull of the ocean trying to take me under as I struggle to stay afloat. Her scent still lingers on the shirt even though I'm almost positive I was the last one to wear it. I bring the fabric closer to my face, inhaling the hint of her intoxicating cologne mixed with stale traces of my perfume sending my endorphins into a frenzy, my subconscious unable to keep me from wondering if this is what our shared sheets would smell like. There was no scent more arousing yet comforting to me and I find myself taking another deep breath in, letting my memory take hold of this and lock it away for another time. I'm supposed to be mad at my twin not fantasizing about what our stupid sheets would smell like. _Damn it, Sara, don't let her soften you. Stand your ground. _

It was as if I could sense her nearing the room with my twin telepathy that we were both able to tap into here and there as I prepare my psyche to be cold and distant as I hear the door handle jostle before Tegan's figure appears in the door way instantly apologizing for passing out in Lindsey's room; that she was too drunk to think logically about coming back down to our room. I know I should give her a break, we were both pretty intoxicated and if I was given the chance, I probably would have passed out after a good fuck, as well, but for whatever reason I can't bring myself to let her off easily. When do I ever, really? I enjoy the groveling, as if she knows what kind of torture she has to put me through with how strongly my magnet is in need of colliding with hers. Those are the things I'm taking her apologies in account towards, not just simply having to spend the night alone in a hotel room but instead having to spend it without her. To me there was a huge difference.

"You know what, Tegan, just stop! Alright?" I've taken to angrily tossing around clothes weeding out the dirty from the clean trying to put together an outfit for the day. Her 'twins forever' bullshit as means of trying to change my mood around is really starting to get to me. She would have to remind me of the fact that she is of the same flesh and blood as me, that we were created at the same time in the same womb. Queasy with my thoughts and nearing loose cannon emotions, I pick up the jeggings, shirt, and leather jacket that I have laid out on the bed and attempt to push past my sister to get to the bathroom but before I can reach my planned destination I feel an all too familiar hand wrap around my forearm, grabbing me and causing my feet to stay planted in the exact position they were in at the second of contact. My breath hitches out of my control and I can't bring myself to look at her in fear that my face may give it all away.

"Damn it, Sara, look at me!" I hear my sister's order finding both determination and desperation in her voice both of which causing me to grow too weak and I give in, turning my face to her's. Our eyes lock together and I feel my heart rate speed up at something so innocent yet seemingly so intimate. "What, Tegan?" My voice, although still obviously peeved, is a lot softer and comforting now.

"I promise I won't leave you alone again, okay? I'm sorry. I really am. Next hotel stay I'm all yours, got it?"

I want to argue that the next hotel stay she won't have a choice, that Lindsey won't be there and they'll be nothing to distract her but because I don't feel like arguing any longer I just nod and pry my arm out of her infallible grip. Without a word I'm slinking into the bathroom, removing my clothes and hopping into the shower hoping to wash away all the disdain I've been feeling towards myself lately. Hoping to wash away all unacceptable desire for my own twin.

**Tegan's POV**

I knew this wasn't going to be easy but I was expecting a bit more of a fight out of Sara and I can't decide if her lack of words means she's too mad to actually speak to me of if it really wasn't that big of deal, anyway? Knowing my twin, I know if it was a big deal to her she will bring it up again later and so I decide to shrug it off and find the remote to the television and turn it on to the Sunday morning cartoons- something I'm not afraid to admit that I still enjoy watching every now and then no matter how juvenile it may make me sound. The sound of the running water from the bathroom signals me that Sara is still in the shower and I take advantage of the alone time to strip myself of my clothes and rummage through my suitcase for a fresh pair of jeans and t-shirt, not that I have many left and make a mental note to get to a laundromat as soon as possible. Anyone would know that I'm getting down to the nitty-gritty of my suitcase by the choice of outfit that I'm now doing my best to make seem like something I voluntarily opted to wear this morning and walk over to the mirror to restyle my meticulously disheveled curls that have loosened a bit in my sleep, the product to hold them in wearing off, but again, I make it seem like this is the exact look that I'm going for knowing that a little confidence could carry me through a bad hair and outfit day at any time. I'm just glad I'm not having to go on stage like this. Perhaps maybe then I would take a shower and restyle my hair but for just leaving the hotel and getting back on the tour bus I figure I'm doing pretty alright.

Running nimble fingers through my messy hair I spot Sara's journal sitting out on the bed side table and instantly remember that she had mentioned something about wanting to go back to the room to write last night. Normally she wouldn't leave her journal out, she was pretty anal about hiding it and not letting me see her songs until she was convinced they were finished enough to be seen and ready to have suggestions be made and I've always respected that privacy but given what I had put her through last night my curiosity gets the best of me and I walk over, picking up the soft leather covered worn at the seems journal and open to the page where the red ribbon is marking the spot of her last entry. Slowly, I descend down onto the bed my sister had slept in and I begin to read over the angsty lyrics and then it becomes clear to me why Sara has always been so secretive about this book, not only does it have scribbled down unfinished lyrics but little annotations of what was going on in her head while she was writing them, as well. To my shock and surprise there is MY name written along with the suggestive phrases such as "longing for" and "magnets in need of colliding." I sit there wide eyed unsure of what to think of any of it and quickly replace the ribbon to the page and set the journal back on the table exactly how it was. The last thing I needed was for her to know I picked it up and read it.

What did she mean by that? What about me is she longing for? Did she really consider me her magnet? If so, in what way exactly was it meant? My mind is spinning in a million different directions and a million different questions are arising but I can't ask, she'll know I invaded her privacy and losing her trust isn't something I can handle. Instead I'm stuck watching my sister emerge from the bathroom all dressed and perfectly put together being as calm as ever. If only she knew that I had read what I had, I knew she'd be the complete opposite. I want to tell her, I want someone to be freaking out just as badly as I am right now. I want to verbalize it. I want to ask her; I want answers but here I am confined to silence and small talk as we leave the hotel to go board our tour bus that we'll be sharing for the next few months to come and judging by what I read and what I'm feeling now, boy is it going to be an interesting few months.


End file.
